86 Speedrun: Difference between revisions
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Updated formatting: Added infobox, colored tables, achievement tracking, and gamer-friendly styling |
Updated formatting: Added infobox, colored tables, achievement tracking, and gamer-friendly styling |
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{| class="wikitable" style="width:100%; background-color:#f9f9f9;" | {| class="wikitable" style="width:100%; background-color:#f9f9f9;" | ||
|- | |- | ||
! style="width: | ! style="width:20%; background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | 📍 Split | ||
! style="width: | ! style="width:12%; background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | ⏱️ Time | ||
! style="background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | 💬 What Happened | ! style="background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | 💬 What Happened | ||
! style="width:20%; background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | 🏆 Achievement | ! style="width:20%; background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | 🏆 Achievement | ||
! style="width:15%; background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | 🎯 Effectiveness | |||
|- | |- | ||
| style="background-color:#ffebee;" | '''SPLIT 1''' 🤝<br/>The Negotiator | | style="background-color:#ffebee;" | '''SPLIT 1''' 🤝<br/>The Negotiator | ||
| Line 85: | Line 86: | ||
| '''"But my print,"''' Chad protested, apparently believing his 3D print job constituted a hostage situation requiring negotiation. 💼 | | '''"But my print,"''' Chad protested, apparently believing his 3D print job constituted a hostage situation requiring negotiation. 💼 | ||
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Treating an ATL like an opening bid | | {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Treating an ATL like an opening bid | ||
| style="text-align:center;" | '''0/10''' | |||
|- | |- | ||
| style="background-color:#fff3e0;" | '''SPLIT 2''' 📜<br/>The Originalist | | style="background-color:#fff3e0;" | '''SPLIT 2''' 📜<br/>The Originalist | ||
| Line 90: | Line 92: | ||
| '''"I think conflicts here should be settled between individuals,"''' Chad said, wildly misreading the room, the wiki, and the entire concept of an Ask To Leave.<br/><br/>''Sir, this '''is''' being settled between individuals. The settlement is: you leave.'' 🚪 | | '''"I think conflicts here should be settled between individuals,"''' Chad said, wildly misreading the room, the wiki, and the entire concept of an Ask To Leave.<br/><br/>''Sir, this '''is''' being settled between individuals. The settlement is: you leave.'' 🚪 | ||
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Invoking rules you made up on the spot | | {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Invoking rules you made up on the spot | ||
| style="text-align:center;" | '''0/10''' | |||
|- | |- | ||
| style="background-color:#fff9c4;" | '''SPLIT 3''' 📊<br/>The Org Chart | | style="background-color:#fff9c4;" | '''SPLIT 3''' 📊<br/>The Org Chart | ||
| Line 95: | Line 98: | ||
| '''"Is there someone else I could talk to?"''' Chad asked, hoping to escalate to the President of the Anarchist Collective. Unfortunately, the Secretary of Hierarchy was out that evening, and the Vice Chancellor of Telling You What You Want To Hear doesn't exist. 🤷 | | '''"Is there someone else I could talk to?"''' Chad asked, hoping to escalate to the President of the Anarchist Collective. Unfortunately, the Secretary of Hierarchy was out that evening, and the Vice Chancellor of Telling You What You Want To Hear doesn't exist. 🤷 | ||
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Looking for the manager at an anarchist hackerspace | | {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Looking for the manager at an anarchist hackerspace | ||
| style="text-align:center;" | '''∞/10''' | |||
|- | |- | ||
| style="background-color:#e8f5e9;" | '''SPLIT 4''' ⚖️<br/>The Threshold Argument | | style="background-color:#e8f5e9;" | '''SPLIT 4''' ⚖️<br/>The Threshold Argument | ||
| Line 100: | Line 104: | ||
| '''"So you feel SO uncomfortable that you need me to LEAVE?"''' Chad demanded, attempting to establish a discomfort threshold he could rules-lawyer his way under. Ah yes, the classic "but is it ''really'' that bad?" defense. Famously effective. [citation needed]<br/><br/>The member confirmed: yes. ✅<br/><br/>Chad still did not leave. <code>SIGTERM</code> ignored. 🚫 | | '''"So you feel SO uncomfortable that you need me to LEAVE?"''' Chad demanded, attempting to establish a discomfort threshold he could rules-lawyer his way under. Ah yes, the classic "but is it ''really'' that bad?" defense. Famously effective. [citation needed]<br/><br/>The member confirmed: yes. ✅<br/><br/>Chad still did not leave. <code>SIGTERM</code> ignored. 🚫 | ||
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Arguing about whether feelings are valid | | {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Arguing about whether feelings are valid | ||
| style="text-align:center;" | '''0/10''' | |||
|- | |- | ||
| style="background-color:#e1f5fe;" | '''SPLIT 5''' 🥷<br/>Security Through Obscurity | | style="background-color:#e1f5fe;" | '''SPLIT 5''' 🥷<br/>Security Through Obscurity | ||
| Line 105: | Line 110: | ||
| '''"What's your name?"''' the member asked, beginning documentation.<br/><br/>'''"I'm not going to tell you that,"''' Chad replied, apparently unaware that this is Noisebridge, not a CIA black site, and that someone ''definitely'' knows who he is. Stealth builds don't work when you've been loudly arguing in the laser cutting area for twenty minutes. 🙊 | | '''"What's your name?"''' the member asked, beginning documentation.<br/><br/>'''"I'm not going to tell you that,"''' Chad replied, apparently unaware that this is Noisebridge, not a CIA black site, and that someone ''definitely'' knows who he is. Stealth builds don't work when you've been loudly arguing in the laser cutting area for twenty minutes. 🙊 | ||
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Anonymous mode in a room full of witnesses | | {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Anonymous mode in a room full of witnesses | ||
| style="text-align:center;" | '''∞/10''' | |||
|- | |- | ||
| style="background-color:#f3e5f5;" | '''SPLIT 6''' 🎓<br/>The Credential Dump | | style="background-color:#f3e5f5;" | '''SPLIT 6''' 🎓<br/>The Credential Dump | ||
| Line 110: | Line 116: | ||
| Chad noted his qualifications: twenty-five years of makerspace experience. He also name-dropped someone present who was not a member, not his friend, had not invited him, and had simply crossed paths with him coincidentally.<br/><br/>"I know a guy who's here" is not the buff you think it is when the guy is like "who is this". Also, why wouldn't we just ask your "friend" what your name is?!? 🤷 | | Chad noted his qualifications: twenty-five years of makerspace experience. He also name-dropped someone present who was not a member, not his friend, had not invited him, and had simply crossed paths with him coincidentally.<br/><br/>"I know a guy who's here" is not the buff you think it is when the guy is like "who is this". Also, why wouldn't we just ask your "friend" what your name is?!? 🤷 | ||
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Name-drop (missed)<br/>{{color|purple|'''★'''}} '''SECRET:''' Attempted name-drop while refusing to give your own name?!? | | {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Name-drop (missed)<br/>{{color|purple|'''★'''}} '''SECRET:''' Attempted name-drop while refusing to give your own name?!? | ||
| style="text-align:center;" | '''still banned/10'''<br/>'''+'''<br/>'''actually funny/10''' | |||
|- | |- | ||
| style="background-color:#fce4ec;" | '''SPLIT 7''' 🔄<br/>The Uno Reverse | | style="background-color:#fce4ec;" | '''SPLIT 7''' 🔄<br/>The Uno Reverse | ||
| Line 115: | Line 122: | ||
| '''"I'm hearing a lot of I-statements from you,"''' Chad observed. '''"You seem very self-centered."'''<br/><br/>Reader, the member was using I-statements ''because that's how you describe your own experience without making accusations.'' Chad was essentially criticizing someone for not accusing him of anything while also demanding to know exactly what he was being accused of.<br/><br/>''Schrödinger's Asshole: simultaneously demanding and rejecting the feedback.'' 🤦 | | '''"I'm hearing a lot of I-statements from you,"''' Chad observed. '''"You seem very self-centered."'''<br/><br/>Reader, the member was using I-statements ''because that's how you describe your own experience without making accusations.'' Chad was essentially criticizing someone for not accusing him of anything while also demanding to know exactly what he was being accused of.<br/><br/>''Schrödinger's Asshole: simultaneously demanding and rejecting the feedback.'' 🤦 | ||
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Criticizing NVC to the person using it correctly | | {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Criticizing NVC to the person using it correctly | ||
| style="text-align:center;" | '''impressively<br/>wrong/10''' | |||
|- | |- | ||
| style="background-color:#ffebee;" | '''SPLIT 8''' 🎤<br/>The Filibuster | | style="background-color:#ffebee;" | '''SPLIT 8''' 🎤<br/>The Filibuster | ||
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| The member, hungry and exhausted, excused themselves briefly. Upon returning, they tried again. Chad continued to refuse. <code>SIGKILL</code> pending. ☠️<br/><br/>Finally, the member announced the situation to others in the space. Another member came to assist. Chad, undeterred, continued to state his case to anyone within earshot, confident that ''someone'' would see reason (his reason) (the wrong reason). 🤡 | | The member, hungry and exhausted, excused themselves briefly. Upon returning, they tried again. Chad continued to refuse. <code>SIGKILL</code> pending. ☠️<br/><br/>Finally, the member announced the situation to others in the space. Another member came to assist. Chad, undeterred, continued to state his case to anyone within earshot, confident that ''someone'' would see reason (his reason) (the wrong reason). 🤡 | ||
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Arguing to the witnesses who are documenting you | | {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Arguing to the witnesses who are documenting you | ||
| style="text-align:center;" | '''∞/10''' | | style="text-align:center;" | '''∞/10''' | ||
|} | |} | ||
Revision as of 05:17, 5 January 2026
this template is being created as a part of Projects_CMS
🎮 The Greatest Hits of the Instantly 86'd 🚫
Or: How to Speedrun Your 86 ⚡
Once upon a time, a player, let's call him "Chad", spawned into Noisebridge on what would become a historic run. 🤦🏃💨
Chad was attempting a 3D print. A member of the space was unable to help him complete it the way he wanted, right then and there.
Chad's frustration meter started climbing. His tone changed. His body language shifted. 😤💢
The member noticed this, and said so. Chad did not take this feedback gracefully. 👀❌
"I'm uncomfortable with how this interaction is going. I'm going to ask you to leave for the night."
Now, at this point, Chad had a choice. He could accept the soft reset—take a walk, cool off, come back another day to finish his print. This is what people who remain welcome at Noisebridge do. ✅
But THIS Chad wasn't here for a casual playthrough. 🎮❌
THIS Chad was going for the global hackerspace speedrun record. 🏆⚡🔥
| WORLD RECORD | |
| FINAL TIME: | ~29 minutes |
| RATING: | ANY% GLITCHLESS |
| Player: | Chad |
| Run Type: | 86 Speedrun (Any%) |
| Achievements: | 8/8 (100%) |
| Final Status: | 86'd |
| Returnable: | NO |
| Print Status: | Incomplete |
🏁 The Run 🏁
| 📍 Split | ⏱️ Time | 💬 What Happened | 🏆 Achievement | 🎯 Effectiveness |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| SPLIT 1 🤝 The Negotiator |
⏱️ 00:00:00 | "But my print," Chad protested, apparently believing his 3D print job constituted a hostage situation requiring negotiation. 💼 | ✓ Treating an ATL like an opening bid | 0/10 |
| SPLIT 2 📜 The Originalist |
⏱️ 00:01:47 | "I think conflicts here should be settled between individuals," Chad said, wildly misreading the room, the wiki, and the entire concept of an Ask To Leave. Sir, this is being settled between individuals. The settlement is: you leave. 🚪 |
✓ Invoking rules you made up on the spot | 0/10 |
| SPLIT 3 📊 The Org Chart |
⏱️ 00:04:32 | "Is there someone else I could talk to?" Chad asked, hoping to escalate to the President of the Anarchist Collective. Unfortunately, the Secretary of Hierarchy was out that evening, and the Vice Chancellor of Telling You What You Want To Hear doesn't exist. 🤷 | ✓ Looking for the manager at an anarchist hackerspace | ∞/10 |
| SPLIT 4 ⚖️ The Threshold Argument |
⏱️ 00:08:15 | "So you feel SO uncomfortable that you need me to LEAVE?" Chad demanded, attempting to establish a discomfort threshold he could rules-lawyer his way under. Ah yes, the classic "but is it really that bad?" defense. Famously effective. [citation needed] The member confirmed: yes. ✅ Chad still did not leave. SIGTERM ignored. 🚫
|
✓ Arguing about whether feelings are valid | 0/10 |
| SPLIT 5 🥷 Security Through Obscurity |
⏱️ 00:12:44 | "What's your name?" the member asked, beginning documentation. "I'm not going to tell you that," Chad replied, apparently unaware that this is Noisebridge, not a CIA black site, and that someone definitely knows who he is. Stealth builds don't work when you've been loudly arguing in the laser cutting area for twenty minutes. 🙊 |
✓ Anonymous mode in a room full of witnesses | ∞/10 |
| SPLIT 6 🎓 The Credential Dump |
⏱️ 00:17:23 | Chad noted his qualifications: twenty-five years of makerspace experience. He also name-dropped someone present who was not a member, not his friend, had not invited him, and had simply crossed paths with him coincidentally. "I know a guy who's here" is not the buff you think it is when the guy is like "who is this". Also, why wouldn't we just ask your "friend" what your name is?!? 🤷 |
✓ Name-drop (missed) ★ SECRET: Attempted name-drop while refusing to give your own name?!? |
still banned/10 + actually funny/10 |
| SPLIT 7 🔄 The Uno Reverse |
⏱️ 00:22:08 | "I'm hearing a lot of I-statements from you," Chad observed. "You seem very self-centered." Reader, the member was using I-statements because that's how you describe your own experience without making accusations. Chad was essentially criticizing someone for not accusing him of anything while also demanding to know exactly what he was being accused of. Schrödinger's Asshole: simultaneously demanding and rejecting the feedback. 🤦 |
✓ Criticizing NVC to the person using it correctly | impressively wrong/10 |
| SPLIT 8 🎤 The Filibuster |
⏱️ 00:26:41 | The member, hungry and exhausted, excused themselves briefly. Upon returning, they tried again. Chad continued to refuse. SIGKILL pending. ☠️Finally, the member announced the situation to others in the space. Another member came to assist. Chad, undeterred, continued to state his case to anyone within earshot, confident that someone would see reason (his reason) (the wrong reason). 🤡 |
✓ Arguing to the witnesses who are documenting you | ∞/10 |
📚 Lessons Learned 💡
If Chad had simply accepted the soft reset when first offered, there would be no run. No documentation. No leaderboard entry. He could have come back the next day and finished his print. ✅
💡 PRO TIP: The ATL is a checkpoint, not a game over—unless you refuse it, in which case you forfeit the whole save file. 💾❌
Instead, Chad is a teaching moment. A fable. A wiki page. A world record holder. 🏆😬
⚠️🚫 DON'T BE A CHAD 🚫⚠️
🔗 See Also
- Ask To Leave — the checkpoint you should have taken
- Path to 86 — the route Chad speedran
man leaveman clue(no manual entry for clue)