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New page: The Greatest Hits of the Instantly 86'd - a cautionary tale about speedrunning your way to a ban
 
Updated formatting: Added infobox, colored tables, achievement tracking, and gamer-friendly styling
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{{Infobox
| title = 86 Speedrun (Any%)
| image =
| caption = World Record Run
| label1 = Player
| data1 = "Chad"
| label2 = Category
| data2 = Any% Glitchless
| label3 = Final Time
| data3 = '''~29 minutes'''
| label4 = Achievements
| data4 = 8/8 (100%)
| label5 = Status
| data5 = {{color|red|'''BANNED'''}}
| label6 = Returnable
| data6 = {{color|red|'''NO'''}}
}}
= The Greatest Hits of the Instantly 86'd =
= The Greatest Hits of the Instantly 86'd =


''Or: How to Speedrun Your 86''
'''''Or: How to Speedrun Your 86'''''


Once upon a time, a player, let's call him "Chad", spawned into Noisebridge on what would become a historic run.  
Once upon a time, a player, let's call him "Chad", spawned into Noisebridge on what would become a historic run.


Chad was attempting a 3D print. A member of the space was unable to help him complete it the way he wanted, right then and there.  
Chad was attempting a 3D print. A member of the space was unable to help him complete it the way he wanted, right then and there.


Chad's frustration meter started climbing. His tone changed. His body language shifted.
Chad's frustration meter started climbing. His tone changed. His body language shifted.
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The member noticed this, and said so. Chad did not take this feedback gracefully.
The member noticed this, and said so. Chad did not take this feedback gracefully.


"I'm uncomfortable with how this interaction is going," the member said. "I'm going to ask you to leave for the night."
<blockquote>"I'm uncomfortable with how this interaction is going. I'm going to ask you to leave for the night."</blockquote>


Now, at this point, Chad had a choice. He could accept the soft reset—take a walk, cool off, come back another day to finish his print. '''This is what people who remain welcome at Noisebridge do.'''
Now, at this point, Chad had a choice. He could accept the soft reset—take a walk, cool off, come back another day to finish his print. '''This is what people who remain welcome at Noisebridge do.'''


But THIS Chad wasn't here for a casual playthrough.  
But THIS Chad wasn't here for a casual playthrough.


THIS Chad was going for the global hackerspace speedrun record.
THIS Chad was going for the global hackerspace speedrun record.


'''SPLIT 1 — The Negotiator''' ⏱️ 00:00:00
----
 
'''"But my print,"''' Chad protested, apparently believing his 3D print job constituted a hostage situation requiring negotiation.
 
''Achievement Unlocked: Treating an ATL like an opening bid''
 
'''SPLIT 2 — The Originalist''' ⏱️ 00:01:47
 
'''"I think conflicts here should be settled between individuals,"''' Chad said, wildly misreading the room, the wiki, and the entire concept of an Ask To Leave.
 
Sir, this ''is'' being settled between individuals. The settlement is: you leave.
 
''Achievement Unlocked: Invoking rules you made up on the spot''
 
'''SPLIT 3 — The Org Chart''' ⏱️ 00:04:32
 
'''"Is there someone else I could talk to?"''' Chad asked, hoping to escalate to the President of the Anarchist Collective. Unfortunately, the Secretary of Hierarchy was out that evening, and the Vice Chancellor of Telling You What You Want To Hear doesn't exist.
 
''Achievement Unlocked: Looking for the manager at an anarchist hackerspace''
 
'''SPLIT 4 — The Threshold Argument''' ⏱️ 00:08:15
 
'''"So you feel SO uncomfortable that you need me to LEAVE?"''' Chad demanded, attempting to establish a discomfort threshold he could rules-lawyer his way under. Ah yes, the classic "but is it ''really'' that bad?" defense. Famously effective. [citation needed]
 
The member confirmed: yes.
 
Chad still did not leave. <code>SIGTERM</code> ignored.
 
''Achievement Unlocked: Arguing about whether feelings are valid''
 
'''SPLIT 5 — Security Through Obscurity''' ⏱️ 00:12:44
 
'''"What's your name?"''' the member asked, beginning documentation.
 
'''"I'm not going to tell you that,"''' Chad replied, apparently unaware that this is Noisebridge, not a CIA black site, and that someone ''definitely'' knows who he is. Stealth builds don't work when you've been loudly arguing in the laser cutting area for twenty minutes.
 
''Achievement Unlocked: Anonymous mode in a room full of witnesses''
 
'''SPLIT 6 — The Credential Dump''' ⏱️ 00:17:23
 
Chad noted his qualifications: twenty-five years of makerspace experience. He also name-dropped someone present who was not a member, not his friend, had not invited him, and had simply crossed paths with him coincidentally.
 
"I know a guy who's here" is not the buff you think it is when the guy is like "who is this".  Also, why wouldn't we just ask your "friend" what your name is?!?
 
''Achievement Unlocked: Name-drop (missed)''
''Secret Achievement Unlocked: Attempted name-drop while refusing to give your own name?!?''
 
'''SPLIT 7 — The Uno Reverse''' ⏱️ 00:22:08
 
'''"I'm hearing a lot of I-statements from you,"''' Chad observed. '''"You seem very self-centered."'''
 
Reader, the member was using I-statements ''because that's how you describe your own experience without making accusations.'' Chad was essentially criticizing someone for not accusing him of anything while also demanding to know exactly what he was being accused of.
 
Schrödinger's Asshole: simultaneously demanding and rejecting the feedback.
 
''Achievement Unlocked: Criticizing NVC to the person using it correctly''
 
'''SPLIT 8 — The Filibuster''' ⏱️ 00:26:41
 
The member, hungry and exhausted, excused themselves briefly. Upon returning, they tried again. Chad continued to refuse. <code>SIGKILL</code> pending.
 
Finally, the member announced the situation to others in the space. Another member came to assist. Chad, undeterred, continued to state his case to anyone within earshot, confident that ''someone'' would see reason (his reason) (the wrong reason).


''Achievement Unlocked: Arguing to the witnesses who are documenting you''
== The Run ==


---
{| class="wikitable" style="width:100%; background-color:#f9f9f9;"
|-
! style="width:25%; background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | Split
! style="width:15%; background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | Time
! style="background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | What Happened
! style="width:20%; background-color:#4CAF50; color:white;" | Achievement
|-
| style="background-color:#ffebee;" | '''SPLIT 1'''<br/>The Negotiator
| style="text-align:center;" | ⏱️ 00:00:00
| '''"But my print,"''' Chad protested, apparently believing his 3D print job constituted a hostage situation requiring negotiation.
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Treating an ATL like an opening bid
|-
| style="background-color:#fff3e0;" | '''SPLIT 2'''<br/>The Originalist
| style="text-align:center;" | ⏱️ 00:01:47
| '''"I think conflicts here should be settled between individuals,"''' Chad said, wildly misreading the room, the wiki, and the entire concept of an Ask To Leave.<br/><br/>''Sir, this '''is''' being settled between individuals. The settlement is: you leave.''
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Invoking rules you made up on the spot
|-
| style="background-color:#fff9c4;" | '''SPLIT 3'''<br/>The Org Chart
| style="text-align:center;" | ⏱️ 00:04:32
| '''"Is there someone else I could talk to?"''' Chad asked, hoping to escalate to the President of the Anarchist Collective. Unfortunately, the Secretary of Hierarchy was out that evening, and the Vice Chancellor of Telling You What You Want To Hear doesn't exist.
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Looking for the manager at an anarchist hackerspace
|-
| style="background-color:#e8f5e9;" | '''SPLIT 4'''<br/>The Threshold Argument
| style="text-align:center;" | ⏱️ 00:08:15
| '''"So you feel SO uncomfortable that you need me to LEAVE?"''' Chad demanded, attempting to establish a discomfort threshold he could rules-lawyer his way under. Ah yes, the classic "but is it ''really'' that bad?" defense. Famously effective. [citation needed]<br/><br/>The member confirmed: yes.<br/><br/>Chad still did not leave. <code>SIGTERM</code> ignored.
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Arguing about whether feelings are valid
|-
| style="background-color:#e1f5fe;" | '''SPLIT 5'''<br/>Security Through Obscurity
| style="text-align:center;" | ⏱️ 00:12:44
| '''"What's your name?"''' the member asked, beginning documentation.<br/><br/>'''"I'm not going to tell you that,"''' Chad replied, apparently unaware that this is Noisebridge, not a CIA black site, and that someone ''definitely'' knows who he is. Stealth builds don't work when you've been loudly arguing in the laser cutting area for twenty minutes.
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Anonymous mode in a room full of witnesses
|-
| style="background-color:#f3e5f5;" | '''SPLIT 6'''<br/>The Credential Dump
| style="text-align:center;" | ⏱️ 00:17:23
| Chad noted his qualifications: twenty-five years of makerspace experience. He also name-dropped someone present who was not a member, not his friend, had not invited him, and had simply crossed paths with him coincidentally.<br/><br/>"I know a guy who's here" is not the buff you think it is when the guy is like "who is this". Also, why wouldn't we just ask your "friend" what your name is?!?
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Name-drop (missed)<br/>{{color|purple|'''★'''}} '''SECRET:''' Attempted name-drop while refusing to give your own name?!?
|-
| style="background-color:#fce4ec;" | '''SPLIT 7'''<br/>The Uno Reverse
| style="text-align:center;" | ⏱️ 00:22:08
| '''"I'm hearing a lot of I-statements from you,"''' Chad observed. '''"You seem very self-centered."'''<br/><br/>Reader, the member was using I-statements ''because that's how you describe your own experience without making accusations.'' Chad was essentially criticizing someone for not accusing him of anything while also demanding to know exactly what he was being accused of.<br/><br/>''Schrödinger's Asshole: simultaneously demanding and rejecting the feedback.''
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Criticizing NVC to the person using it correctly
|-
| style="background-color:#ffebee;" | '''SPLIT 8'''<br/>The Filibuster
| style="text-align:center;" | ⏱️ 00:26:41
| The member, hungry and exhausted, excused themselves briefly. Upon returning, they tried again. Chad continued to refuse. <code>SIGKILL</code> pending.<br/><br/>Finally, the member announced the situation to others in the space. Another member came to assist. Chad, undeterred, continued to state his case to anyone within earshot, confident that ''someone'' would see reason (his reason) (the wrong reason).
| {{color|gold|'''✓'''}} Arguing to the witnesses who are documenting you
|}


== RUN COMPLETE ==
----


'''Final Time: ~29 minutes'''
== 🏆 RUN COMPLETE 🏆 ==


'''Achievements: 8/8'''
{| class="wikitable" style="margin:auto; width:60%; text-align:center; background-color:#1a1a1a; color:#00ff00; font-family:monospace;"
|-
| colspan="2" style="background-color:#ff0000; color:white; font-size:120%;" | '''WORLD RECORD'''
|-
| style="text-align:right; padding-right:20px;" | '''FINAL TIME:'''
| style="text-align:left; padding-left:20px; color:#ffff00;" | '''~29 minutes'''
|-
| style="text-align:right; padding-right:20px;" | '''RATING:'''
| style="text-align:left; padding-left:20px; color:#ffff00;" | '''ANY% GLITCHLESS'''
|-
| colspan="2" style="border-top:2px solid #00ff00;" |
|-
| style="text-align:right; padding-right:20px;" | Player:
| style="text-align:left; padding-left:20px;" | Chad
|-
| style="text-align:right; padding-right:20px;" | Run Type:
| style="text-align:left; padding-left:20px;" | 86 Speedrun (Any%)
|-
| style="text-align:right; padding-right:20px;" | Achievements:
| style="text-align:left; padding-left:20px; color:#ffff00;" | 8/8 (100%)
|-
| style="text-align:right; padding-right:20px;" | Final Status:
| style="text-align:left; padding-left:20px; color:#ff0000;" | /dev/null
|-
| style="text-align:right; padding-right:20px;" | Returnable:
| style="text-align:left; padding-left:20px; color:#ff0000;" | '''NO'''
|-
| style="text-align:right; padding-right:20px;" | Print Status:
| style="text-align:left; padding-left:20px; color:#ff0000;" | Incomplete
|}


'''Rating: ANY% GLITCHLESS WORLD RECORD'''
----


<pre>FINAL SCORE
== Lessons Learned ==
───────────────────────────────
Player:        Chad
Run Type:      86 Speedrun (Any%)
Achievements:  8/8
Final Status:  /dev/null
Returnable:    NO
Print Status:  Incomplete
───────────────────────────────</pre>


If Chad had simply accepted the soft reset when first offered, there would be no run. No documentation. No leaderboard entry. He could have come back the next day and finished his print.  
If Chad had simply accepted the soft reset when first offered, there would be no run. No documentation. No leaderboard entry. He could have come back the next day and finished his print.


The ATL is a ''checkpoint'', not a ''game over''—unless you refuse it, in which case you forfeit the whole save file.
{{Highlight|text=The ATL is a '''checkpoint''', not a '''game over'''—unless you refuse it, in which case you forfeit the whole save file.}}


Instead, Chad is a teaching moment. A fable. A wiki page. A world record holder.
Instead, Chad is a teaching moment. A fable. A wiki page. A world record holder.


'''Don't be a Chad.'''
<div style="text-align:center; font-size:150%; color:red; font-weight:bold; padding:20px;">
⚠️ DON'T BE A CHAD ⚠️
</div>


---
----


== See Also ==
== See Also ==


- [[Ask To Leave]] — the checkpoint you should have taken
* [[Ask To Leave]] — the checkpoint you should have taken
- [[Path to 86]] — the route Chad speedran
* [[Path to 86]] — the route Chad speedran
- <code>man leave</code>
* <code>man leave</code>
- <code>man clue</code> (no manual entry for clue)
* <code>man clue</code> (no manual entry for clue)
 
[[Category:Community Standards]]
[[Category:Ask To Leave]]
[[Category:Cautionary Tales]]

Revision as of 02:26, 5 January 2026

this template is being created as a part of Projects_CMS

The Greatest Hits of the Instantly 86'd

Or: How to Speedrun Your 86

Once upon a time, a player, let's call him "Chad", spawned into Noisebridge on what would become a historic run.

Chad was attempting a 3D print. A member of the space was unable to help him complete it the way he wanted, right then and there.

Chad's frustration meter started climbing. His tone changed. His body language shifted.

The member noticed this, and said so. Chad did not take this feedback gracefully.

"I'm uncomfortable with how this interaction is going. I'm going to ask you to leave for the night."

Now, at this point, Chad had a choice. He could accept the soft reset—take a walk, cool off, come back another day to finish his print. This is what people who remain welcome at Noisebridge do.

But THIS Chad wasn't here for a casual playthrough.

THIS Chad was going for the global hackerspace speedrun record.

The Run

Split Time What Happened Achievement
SPLIT 1
The Negotiator 		⏱️ 00:00:00 "But my print," Chad protested, apparently believing his 3D print job constituted a hostage situation requiring negotiation. ✓ Treating an ATL like an opening bid
SPLIT 2
The Originalist 		⏱️ 00:01:47 "I think conflicts here should be settled between individuals," Chad said, wildly misreading the room, the wiki, and the entire concept of an Ask To Leave.

Sir, this is being settled between individuals. The settlement is: you leave. 		✓ Invoking rules you made up on the spot
SPLIT 3
The Org Chart 		⏱️ 00:04:32 "Is there someone else I could talk to?" Chad asked, hoping to escalate to the President of the Anarchist Collective. Unfortunately, the Secretary of Hierarchy was out that evening, and the Vice Chancellor of Telling You What You Want To Hear doesn't exist. ✓ Looking for the manager at an anarchist hackerspace
SPLIT 4
The Threshold Argument 		⏱️ 00:08:15 "So you feel SO uncomfortable that you need me to LEAVE?" Chad demanded, attempting to establish a discomfort threshold he could rules-lawyer his way under. Ah yes, the classic "but is it really that bad?" defense. Famously effective. [citation needed]

The member confirmed: yes.

Chad still did not leave. SIGTERM ignored. 		✓ Arguing about whether feelings are valid
SPLIT 5
Security Through Obscurity 		⏱️ 00:12:44 "What's your name?" the member asked, beginning documentation.

"I'm not going to tell you that," Chad replied, apparently unaware that this is Noisebridge, not a CIA black site, and that someone definitely knows who he is. Stealth builds don't work when you've been loudly arguing in the laser cutting area for twenty minutes. 		✓ Anonymous mode in a room full of witnesses
SPLIT 6
The Credential Dump 		⏱️ 00:17:23 Chad noted his qualifications: twenty-five years of makerspace experience. He also name-dropped someone present who was not a member, not his friend, had not invited him, and had simply crossed paths with him coincidentally.

"I know a guy who's here" is not the buff you think it is when the guy is like "who is this". Also, why wouldn't we just ask your "friend" what your name is?!? 		✓ Name-drop (missed)
★ SECRET: Attempted name-drop while refusing to give your own name?!?
SPLIT 7
The Uno Reverse 		⏱️ 00:22:08 "I'm hearing a lot of I-statements from you," Chad observed. "You seem very self-centered."

Reader, the member was using I-statements because that's how you describe your own experience without making accusations. Chad was essentially criticizing someone for not accusing him of anything while also demanding to know exactly what he was being accused of.

Schrödinger's Asshole: simultaneously demanding and rejecting the feedback. 		✓ Criticizing NVC to the person using it correctly
SPLIT 8
The Filibuster 		⏱️ 00:26:41 The member, hungry and exhausted, excused themselves briefly. Upon returning, they tried again. Chad continued to refuse. SIGKILL pending.

Finally, the member announced the situation to others in the space. Another member came to assist. Chad, undeterred, continued to state his case to anyone within earshot, confident that someone would see reason (his reason) (the wrong reason). 		✓ Arguing to the witnesses who are documenting you

🏆 RUN COMPLETE 🏆

WORLD RECORD
FINAL TIME: ~29 minutes
RATING: ANY% GLITCHLESS
Player: Chad
Run Type: 86 Speedrun (Any%)
Achievements: 8/8 (100%)
Final Status: /dev/null
Returnable: NO
Print Status: Incomplete

Lessons Learned

If Chad had simply accepted the soft reset when first offered, there would be no run. No documentation. No leaderboard entry. He could have come back the next day and finished his print.

Template:Highlight

Instead, Chad is a teaching moment. A fable. A wiki page. A world record holder.

⚠️ DON'T BE A CHAD ⚠️

See Also

  • Ask To Leave — the checkpoint you should have taken
  • Path to 86 — the route Chad speedran
  • man leave
  • man clue (no manual entry for clue)
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